The Adventures of Banjo and Kazooie
by Cheep FIsh Baby
Summary: A retelling of the events of BanjoKazooie. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Once Upon A Time…

"Aw, c'mon Banjo, wake up! You promised!" whined Tooty, the pretty young blonde bear.

"Please Tooty, in a few minutes, I'm tired right now. Let me get some rest," said her older brother Banjo, digging his face into his pillow. It was Saturday morning, he'd spent all the last night playing video games with Kazooie, and he was in no mood to get up until noon.

"You promised Banjo! Come play with me!"

"I'll tell ya what, honey, this afternoon, I'll take you hikin' into the mountains. How do you like that?"

"Yay! We can go on an adventure! Can we go up to the Witch's Liar?"

"I dun told ya that Spiral Mountain ain't no Witch's Liar, no matter what any of your friends tell ya. And we can't go there, it dangerous. That bridge's been broked for years. Now can you let me sleep?"

"Ok, ok. Bye-bye big bro!" she said skipping out of Banjo's room. 

--

Banjo and Tooty Grizzly lived in a small cabin in Spiral Mountain. It used to be a fairly busy farming community, but the last few years had changed everything. Banjo was sixteen, going-on-seventeen, he had to raise his 9 year old sister all alone, after their parents died in a car crash a year and half ago. The lost devastated both of them for quite a while, but Tooty was young and had such a strong-spirit, she was able to go on happily and carefree. For Banjo it still hurts, but his love for his sister keeps him going, and he'd anything to make sure she's happy, cause he knows his folks would of wanted that.

But they were all alone in Spiral Mountain. The last decade or so, the crops had been failing, and nobody quite knew why. It seemed all the families moved away, to the big city to try and get a better live. The Grizzlies were the only family left when the car crash happened. They had a small piece of land, it didn't bring much income, but it was enough to keep them fed, and they grew enough to keep full. Banjo works the farm now, but it isn't easy without any help.

Banjo would of probably lost his mind, supporting a family at sixteen, no friends around, and no time to go visit them in the city anymore. When six ago, something happened that Banjo always thought of as a gift from God, though he didn't say so out loud. It was a regular day; he was working the field getting some carrots for supper, when straight out of the sky fell a bird, and landed smack down into the ground in front of him.

--

"Good Lord, are you'se alright! Gosh darn, that was a mighty big fall you had there," said Banjo, rushing over to the majestic red bird.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm alright," the bird answered, and Banjo was surprised by the voice to see that it was a female. "I'll be fine…" The bird tried to lift itself up, but only collapsing again in pain.

"Let me help ya there ma'am," Banjo said lifting the bird up.

"Keep your damn paws off me, bear! Looking for your next snack?"

"Hey there! I'll have you know I'm a herbivore so is my entire family."

"Relax, I know you're species. You wouldn't have the guts to eat me. Not that you could anyway."

"Ya do look awful hurt. It looks like one off your wing's broke, and I think both your legs are too. I don't think you're gonna be able to move for a while. How'd ya get fall like that anyway."

"It was a one of those stupid hunters. I was flying over that forest when I spotted him, I tried to get away but he got me in the wing anyway!"

"Ya got all the way from the forest to here on a shot wing! You must be pretty tough!"

"I've been told that," said the bird. "Frankly right now I look pathetic. Now if you don't mind, put me down so I can get on my way."

"You can't even walk! If I left you here you'd probably run into a bear that was so picky 'bout eating meat! You should go to a doctor."

"I don't have any money for a doctor, and I won't take any if you think of offering."

"Well, I don't really have any to offer. At least let me take ya in to look over ya, see've I can help."

"Alright I suppose. These country hicks…" the bird started. "Say, you got any cigarettes?"

"Nah, I quite a while back. Figured I was setting a bad example to my lil' sis." The bear said, "My name's Banjo by the way. Banjo Grizzly."

"My name's Kazooie. Thanks, I guess…"

--

Well, Banjo brought Kazooie back to his house; he couldn't help her injuries though. And since she couldn't walk much less fly, she figured she'd stay here for a while, after all, the bear was offering. While she stayed there, Banjo learned all about the bird. Her breed didn't raise their own young. After she was hatched she was left alone to fend for herself. That's how she spent the first 17 years of her life (she was 18.) She had lived in the city a while, but eventually got bored. For years she lived in solitude in the wild, hunting what she needed to survive, months on end without meeting anyone to talk to.

But somehow these kind mammals warmed over her heart. For months she laid bed-ridden. She talked with the Banjo, and met his small sister. They were unlike anyone she had ever met. They were truly unselfish; allowing her to live under their roofs, eat their food, without getting anything in return. Eventually she become completely bored of being indoors all day, she tried getting out whenever she could, but Banjo did not like seeing her out and about and her healing leg. So Kazooie came up with any idea, to let Banjo carry her in his backpack. He always carried the bag everywhere; it was because his mother gave him the bag the very day she died. It his reminder of her, and his reminder of his father was his necklace, which carried a baby tooth of his father. So whenever Banjo would leave the house for whatever reason Kazooie would beg to tag along.

And as the months passed she and Banjo became closer and closer, having nobody else around their own age, became the best of friends. And in time Kazooie began to get better, and at the time this story talks she could walk around fairly well until getting tired, and her wing was almost completely better.

--

"Hi Kazzie! Wake up please!" said Tooty whined to the bird tucked away on the coat rack tin Banjo's bag. She'd became quite use to this backpack, and was starting to prefer it to a bed since it reminded her of her nest.

"Huh?" Kazooie said slowly opening her eyes.

"Kazooie! Come play with me! Please!"

"Wha…Tooty, let me sleep…"

"Oh, sleep, sleep, sleep! That's all you guys ever do! What fun is sleepin'!"

"What do you want Toot!"

"Never mind. Go on sleepin'. I'll go outside, I'm gonna play with Mr. Mole!"

"Really? That's great…" said Kazooie smiling in an almost condescending way.

"Yeah. I love Mr. Mole. He comes out of the ground, and he plays with me. He's so cool; he knows everything. He tells me about what's really in the Witch's Liar even though Banjo just call me a liar."

"Well have fun Tooty. Play safe."

And grabbing her small wooden flute, Tooty left playing something she must of imagined was a song.

--

Less than five minutes later, Banjo, unable to fell asleep again got up and walked into the living room. He collapsed into the sofa and sighed. Kazooie too hadn't gotten back asleep, and slowly stuck her head from out of the backpack to see who was there.

"Banjo? You awake at 10:30 on a Saturday? Is the world ending or what?"

"Tooty. Man, oh man."

"I know. She woke me up too."

"And now I have to take her hiking this afternoon…" the bear said chuckling to himself. Then he sighed again, looking worried. He rested his head against his paw, he hadta to her, he thought to himself, sooner or later she needed to know.

It dead silent for a moment, Kazooie looked worryingly at her friend, "What is it BJ?"

"Shh," he signaled to her. They could hear, faintly, the sound of Tooty's flute, still playing outside. It was completely nonsensical.

"Why'd you want to listen to that racket?"

"She always starts like that, but than, oh just listen…" and Tooty's no rhythmical mess slowed, and she started playing a slow, soothing beautiful music.

"What's she playing?"

"Mozart, or so she tells me. I don't really know. The way she was playin' before, dat's how she used to play, when I carved that flute out for her birthday. She don't know anything about playin' the flute…"

"So where'd she learn that?"

"She says that "Mr. Mole" taught her. Oh, I dunno…" said Banjo. He was going off track with this flute business. "Kazooie," he said abruptly and dead serious, "you're an gettin' better, right. I mean your legs are healin', and your movin' your wing again. You'll probly be walkin' in a few weeks, maybe even flyin' soon…"

"What are you getting at?" she asked nervously.

"I…I've been thinking…I'm gonna move Tooty and me into city," he said, relieved that he had got it out.

"What?" shouted Kazooie in shock.

She was mad. He knew she'd be mad. "I know, ok. It ain't easy for me neither. But, I need money Kazooie. I need t'get a real job. The money my folks' left us is down to the last cent. If it weren't for the fact we grew our own food we'd of starved ages ago! I figure, I'll get me and Tooty a little apartment, than I can work that this factory that all my friend's started working at when they moved."

"But…no, you can't! You just can't move!" said Kazooie.

"It ain't your decision, alright!" he said clenching his fist. "What's it to ya if I move?"

"Banjo, you don't understand. You've changed me. I never figured there was anybody like you and Tooty left in the world. You're the only friends I've ever had. The city will change, ok. This is where you belong."

"This is all just so hard!" cried Banjo on the verge of tears. "It's all been hard since they died! I dropped out of school when I was 15. I don't have a future. Tooty does. I want her to live somewhere where she has friends, Actual friends, not imaginary ones. I don't want her to have to walk an hour everyday to get to school when summer's over! Everyone else smartened up and got outta 'ere!"

"And what will I do, go back living alone? Killing anything I see that's smaller than me? I can't go back!"

"Well, uh, maybe, you could move with us? Whatdaya think about dat?"

"I've done the city thing. I'm never go there again." Banjo lowered his head. "Did you tell Tooty yet."

"Well I tried a couple time bringin' it up. But, she always started crying. I hated seeing her like that. I love her so much! But it's for her own good."

"Yeah," said Kazooie in a sarcastic tone.

"I can't stand havin' ya mad at me neither. You're my best friend. I'd of gone crazy here alone if it weren't for you. I want you to come live with us." Kazooie didn't say anything. "Fine than. Is there anything ya want before I go back to bed."

"Put me over by the window," said Kazooie. "I know I'm not going back to sleep now, might as well watch nature or something."

"Alrighty," said the bear, and moved the coat rack Kazooie was hanging on across the room in front of the window. "So long, then," he said and went into his room.

He collapsed on his bed. His head was hurting from all the thinking he was doing. He held his father's necklace in his paws. Pa, am I doing the right thing? He thought to himself, and slowly drifted to sleep.

Outside, Kazooie looked outside, thinking about what had just happened. The nerve of Banjo. Thinking he could just leave her, or that she'd want to move into the grimy city with him. She ought to have kicked him in the head for being so dumb.

But still, his heart was in the right place. She looked out and saw Tooty skipping along, like kids so often do, not really doing anything. She was such a cute cub. She'd miss her too, as much as she'd miss Banjo. They had to stay in Spiral Mountain! They had to!

Just outside, from Kazooie's point of view anyway, Tooty had crouched down with her back facing her, and apparently started talking to herself. If Kazooie had been in another angle, she might of seen that there was a small mole hill where Tooty was crouching, and she was calling her friend Bottles Mole up to come play with her. And evidently he heard her because he popped out of his hole.

"Hi Mr. Mole! So great to see you!"

"Hello Tooty. How are you?"

"I'm great! My big brotha promised he would take me on an adventure today…"

This conversation continued. And at this moment everything was peaceful. Little did any of them know that in a few minutes their lives would change forever. That soon they'd become pawns in a plan of evil. Or that the fate of the world would fall upon these bears, bird, and mole. Because on the rock on top the Spiral Mountain, the cliff shaped in the exact likeness of a face of a witch, with the broken drawbridge and lead to the mouth of what everyone supposed was a cave, everything was about to change…


	2. Gruntilda

In the upmost chamber of the soaring tower looking over Spiral Mountain, hands began to emerge from out the ancient green walls. The hands were just as green, withered, and olden. The outline of a body pushed forward through the stone, and in an instance stood there a dreadfully revolting form. A plump, green skinned, wrinkled body draped in a black cloak. The face was the most sickening, a long pointed nose and equally protruding, fat chin and bulging yellow eyes, framed around gristly black hair, and a pointed hat. She took one step forward, looked around and grinned.

"I'm free," she said softly, savoring the feeling of movement, of the joy of seeing her lair as she had left it. "I'M FREE!" she now cried. "My fool of a sister thought she could trap me, but now she's trapped and I am free! For many a year, I was imprisoned in that wall, and now Grunty shall have vengeance on all! Listen to me, these words you mark, now there is brightness, but soon the world will be dark!"

She moved forward, and laughed diabolically. But suddenly her knees gave out, and she collapsed to the floor. She screamed out in pain, her nose was bleeding.

"What…what's wrong with me…" She raised one wiry hand unto the windowsill, attempting to push herself up, but her strength gave out and collapsed on the floor again, gasping. "I feel so drained, oh what could I have excepted, a thousand years in limbo…"

She raised both hands onto the sill again, forcing herself to get up. But as soon as she had she regretted it. Her eyes lifted forward of the hard cold ground, and in the glass of the window she saw her own reflection, and saw not the young attractive face she once knew, but saw the monstrous form she had become.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed and punched her fist through the window, and now her knuckles were bleeding too. She went to the boiling cauldron in the center of the room, and observed her own reflection in its depths. "What once was beautiful has now turned grotesque, and my own reflection I detest! My beauty once legendary, and has turned wrinkled, old, and scary! How can this be, what causes my woe, how have I become ugly and weak so?"

"Is it not obvious?" answered the cauldron back.

"You know why this looks so bleak, well don't keep quiet, speak, speak!"

"A thousand years you were in stone, a thousand years I stood here alone. You expected to escape after that the terrible battle, and walk out in perfect health? You powers are drained for you lost them all, and only now are they coming back, which has allowed you to escape. Your body has aged, as it would had you been here on Earth."

She stared into her own reflection, unable to take it out of her sight. She had tears coming down her ugly eyes. "My powers gone, my beauty too; what am I supposed to do? A curse I place on my sister's name; let her rot in eternal pain. I am repugnant, repulsive, pathetic! I'M HIDEOUS! I'M HIDEOUS!"

She fell on the floor again, screaming in rage. "I will not allow this to continue! I must do something! I must be beautiful!"

"Vanity is the worst sin to commit," said the cauldron. "Your love of self leaves only hate for others. And hatred to others brings hatred back to you. With hatred comes vengeance. Pride will be your downfall. Also, that didn't rhyme."

"Perhaps I don't recall it Dingpot, perhaps I am not wise. But I don't remember asking your advice!"

She paced back and forth, trying to clear her mind and think, but she seemed to weak to even properly formulate thoughts. She then noticed the small portrait of herself, hanging in the side of the room.

"Why…why does the painting, drawn while I was still stunning, look as worn-out and unsightly as I do now?"

"Your mind must be weak, if you cannot even remember that all paintings and statues of you were enchanted to change as you changed."

"Of course, I knew I shouldn't have let that Dorian Gray decorate my lair," she stood again at the cauldron's edge, sounding desperate and pleading. "Please tell me Dingpot, please do tell me I am not as hideous as I think. Please."

"Are you hideous? Yes, of course. As hideous as you think though, the answer is no. Your narcissism compels you think that if you are the least bit attractive you are the most gorgeous person in the world; while at the same time if your looks are anywhere near sub par you'll believe yourself a monster. Though of course you have always been a monster despite what you look like."

"Thank you," she said as though being called a monster were a compliment. "I know I'm a monster, but I do not wish to look like one, nor do I want to be weak. I need to get my powers back, so I can conquer the world once more!"

She thought some more. "Dingpot!" she bellowed. "Show me, the youngest, the most beautiful, the most pure and loving soul on this planet. Someone sweet and innocent, with radiant crystal beauty."

"Well, it's lucky you ended that sentence with beauty, for the person you look for is named Tooty."

And as he said it, Tooty's young face appeared on the surface of the pot's water.

"Yes," said the witch Gruntilda smiling. "Perfect. This honey bear will suffice, and she happens to live here in my capital city."

"What do you have planned?" asked Dingpot suspiciously.

"Very simple really, I'm going to drain her of youth and beauty and implant it in myself. After I'm done, I will have returned to my true power and glory, and she will be the one weak, ugly, and old!"

"But she is a mortal, the process will surely kill her…"

"What's it to I if one life lost, to me it is just another body to toss! I am the destined ruler of the world, so watch out little girl!"

Her anger seemed to have brought back some strength, as she grabbed a nearby broomstick, kicked off and flew out the shattered window, cackling all the way.


	3. Bottles

Outside, below in the valleys of Spiral Mountain, young Tooty was still talking, crunched over to the Mole, Kazooie watching her from inside. 

"…And that's all there really is to know about alchemy really," the Mole finished his long speech.

"I wish my lazy brother would wake up!" said Tooty dully.

"Oh, is that him up there? Oh, what am I saying of course it isn't…" 

A green blur was circling around the tower over spiral mountain- Grunty was enjoying flying again.

"Hey, what is that?" asked Tooty inquisitively. "It sure is big, too big to be a bird…"

"Where are my glasses, I can get a much better look at it with them on," the mole searched his pockets and pulled out his thick spectacles, and looked again at the approaching blur. "Oh My…" was all he could muster. "RUN! Tooty run! Get it inside now! RUN!"

"What, what is it?" But she didn't have to ask, the witch was now only a few yards away from them now, Tooty could see right into her bloodthirsty eyes. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!" 

In an instance, Gruntilda swooped down and grabbed the cub, flying off with her.

"Tooty!" screamed the Mole.

All of this happened in less than a minute, the witch turned tails and was heading back to her lair.

"Who are you? Let me go! AAAAAHHHHHHH! HELP ME!" Tooty bit down into the witch's hand, Grunty responded by slapping Tooty across the face, as the witch's blood and the cub's tooth splattered into the moat around the mountain.

Kazooie hung there, speechless. She was trying to intake what she had seen; it had gone by so fast.

"Banjo! Banjo! BANJO!" she flapped her wings desperately, and in result knocked the coat rack she was hanging on over.

"Oh…what is now," groaned Banjo rolling over.

"BANJO, COME HERE IT'S TOOTY!"

Banjo woke with a start and ran out to the living room.

"What happened?" he said in an alarmed tone, raising Kazooie up.

"I…I'm not really sure!" she gasped frantically, her words a mile a minute, "I was just sitting here, and, and, she was over there talking to herself, and the next thing I know…oh God…it happened so fast, something just came out of the sky, it was like a blur, a green blur. It couldn't have been a bird, and it carried Tooty off with here!"

"What…" he said as though he couldn't quite comprehend what had been said to him. "Something, stole Tooty?" Kazooie nodded shaking. "But…WHAT?" He looked out the window confused; there was nothing there. "Where…where did they go!"

"Oh God!" she cried misty-eyed. "I don't know! This is all my fault, I was just so…so, scared and…and worried, and…" Banjo headed out the door.

"TOOTY! TOOTY! WHERE ARE YOU TOOTY!"

"Where do you think you're going, buddy?" she said with newfound poise, as he made to find run out into the valley.

"TO FIND TOOTY! Oh Gosh, what happened!"

"Not without me your not!"

"No Kazooie, just stay here."

"Listen Fur face, there's no way I'm letting you look for her without me helping! Now come back here and get me!"

"Oh fine," he said and tossed her over his shoulder.

They bear and bird stepped out of the front gate, looking around for any clues.

"Um, excuse…"

Banjo turned around instantly, and looked down to see a mole on the ground wearing thick glasses talking to him.

"Who are you!" demanded Banjo.

"I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself," said the mole. "You must be Banjo, my name is Bottles Mole."

"Mole? You mean, there really was a Mr. Mole?"

"Oh, she told you about me did she? Wait, no, I can't get caught up in conversation, you must know what happened to Tooty this instant!"

"What, what did happened to Tooty!" cawed Kazooie.

"Hey, what is that thing on your back Banjo, it sure is ugly…"

"I'm a Red Crested Breegull for you information, and you ain't no beauty queen yourself goggle-boy!"

"There's no reason to get rude with me ma'am…"

"I'm getting rude with you! You're the one here callin' me ugly!"

"Kazooie, please," said Banjo. "Go ahead, Bottles, tell us what you were going to say. What happened to my baby sister?"

"She was kidnapped by the witch Gruntilda."

"Excuse me?"

"I know that this is difficult to believe, but she was."

"What did you do to her!" he shouted. "You think I'm going to believe that a witch took her away! You did something to her, didn't ya!"

"Wait…" said Kazooie slowly. "Now, I'm not saying I trust this rodent, but…but it did kinda…I mean it happened so quickly, but it did kinda look like a woman on a broomstick swooped down and grabbed her…"

"This is so insane! First my sister disappears, then I find out her imaginary friend is real, and now it's saying that a witch stole her! But still, Tooty would talk every day about a friendly mole friend of her…who are you, I want more then just your name."

"Ok, well I came from the city originally. I was in university; I studied music but also took a class in myths and legends. Well, after I graduated I thought I'd do my own research on legends, maybe write an article about it. So I'd studied a legend about a witch that used to live here in this area, and so I burrowed to Spiral Mountain a few months ago…"

"Go on!"

"Well, as you can see that drawbridge up the mountain is broken, so I dug my way up into the cave, and found it was no cave…"

Kazooie said suddenly, "Why are we supposed to trust you!"

"Shut up Kazzie and listen!" said Banjo.

"It's very difficult to explain it," continue the mole. "I guess I'll start at the beginning. The story goes that about a thousand years ago, an evil but beautiful witch used her extraordinary powers to take over the world; She held the world for centuries under her command, everything was dark and evil. But she had a sister who also knew magic named Brentilda. Brentilda battled with her sister, an epic battle, it lasted months. Brentilda wasn't as powerful as Gruntilda, but her good magic overcame her dark magic. In the end, neither died and neither won. Brentilda sealed her sister away inside the walls of her lair, right above us, but not before Gruntilda did the same to Brentilda."

"Ok, so then how could this Grunty witch kidnap my sister if she's trapped in a wall!"

"Well, that I don't know. But I've been inside her lair; I've seen portraits of her. That was Gruntilda."

"And…did you see what happened to her?"

"She flew off, turned around, and headed back inside her lair…"

"Then I'm going inside that lair!"

"Banjo, you aren't buying this stuff are you!" said Kazooie.

"Right now, I have nothing else to go by. And you yourself said you saw a witch."

"I didn't say that, I said I thought it looked like that."

"Wait Banjo, you just can't go barging into that place!" said Bottles.

"And why not, my sister is in there!"

"You don't understand; it's not that simple. Her lair works as not only her headquarters, but also an obstacle course to keep people out, and a prison for her enemies."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll try to explain. You see, with her lair, she has created wormholes into small pocket universes of her creation. I don't know how many. The entrances to these worlds are locked. But throughout the many room of her lair there are giant puzzles with pieces missing, if you find the missing pieces a world opens."

"This all sounds so ridiculous…"

"You got that right," added Kazooie.

"Now some of these jigsaw pieces are in the liar, but most are hidden in the worlds. But there are also various doors throughout the lair that can only be opened if you have sufficient musical notes."

"Music notes?" asked Banjo.

"I was getting to that. Throughout the worlds, there are golden object similar in shape to music notes. When you collect enough of them, you can get through the Note Doors. Eventually I suppose you'll get to the top where Gruntilda is."

"I'm sorry, this is just too confusing. I don't really get what you're saying. I mean just ten minutes ago I was fast asleep, and now you want me to collect jigsaw puzzles and music to save my sister from a witch."

"I'm so sorry Banjo. You know, I really cared for your sister. After I came here, I sort of, became accustomed to the country and decided to make a nest for myself here. And well, I met your sister by accident almost, and she's such a cute child, fun and intelligent. She's made great company for me here; you know I taught her how to play the flute, even if it wasn't very well made. She just has such vibrancy to her, that it seems she can enchant anyone with her innocent charm. You have to save her."

"Shut up!" said Kazooie. "Explain again, why are we supposed to believe you?"

"Kazooie, I don't really know what is going on. For all I know, this guy right here could have been behind all of this. I really don't know. But what I do know is that the only way for me to find out is to go in there. What will happen to me, I don't know. I don't care; Because I will risk anything for my sister. I will not lose her."

Kazooie sighed, "Fine. Let's go then, together nothing can beat us!"

"What are you talking about? You are staying here!"

"Fat chance! I already told you, if you're going out to find Tooty, I'm going to go with you. If you leave me here, I'll follow you myself. Besides, even without legs, I am a killing machine!"

"I'll meet you up there you two," said Bottles. "Be your guide and such."

"And remember," said Kazooie smiling sweetly, "If you have tricked us, I will squeeze the life out of you slowly."

"Here we go then," said Banjo.


End file.
